I was told by my parents that I was not the same person after. Things changed at 16, it's a weird time anyway I suppose. But I sort of carried on. I've struggled all my life with confusion, mood swings, memory loss, mental illness, anger outbursts and depression - yeah it’s been a real laugh… lol. I have moments of unreality; personality changes about as stable as a nuclear reactor about to blow. I have lost friends, partners, jobs, and seem to move on as if these parts of my life never existed...battling with a memory that remembers sometimes.
Days go missing – people, I can't remember their names, who they are and where I met them. It sucks. I live day by day. The way I book it is if I wake up breathing I've had a result. No after care, no apparent interest in why I was coming across as mad. Sectioned many times for behaviour problems. It’s not an easy way to live.
It was only after hearing about John Lydon from the sex pistols that I remembered I had it and then found this site. I'm very tired, exhausted. My heart goes out to all who have had this. OK I'm not dead...but the days when I wish I was are plentiful. This disease can really mess you up.
So that's my pennies worth. I suffer everyday but I play the blues so I carry on with a big cross to bear. I even make up the damsons as I go. I can't remember what key it's in and I've played the song a thousand times.
So any help would really be appreciated. It affects the head, the heart and your feelings for others. I'm hard, I cry, I get confused - my life is a turmoil of despair happiness. Tears, loss, laughter and bloody annoyingly frustrating. I live with a different me nearly every day... still, it's not boring.
Good luck everyone and do the best you can. I do every day...Paul.